Incoherent Rantings

I've decided that I only post when I have too much time on my hands. This could be a sign of my developing workaholic tendencies, and that worries me. As any good teenager, I spent my younger years thinking I knew more than my parents and wanting to be different from them. Imagine my horror when I realized one day that I felt unproductive because I had just watched TV and played video games all day. Feeling unproductive means that you want to be productive, and wanting to be productive is the first step to becoming a workaholic. And here I had told myself I would never turn into my dad.

It may or may not be obvious, but these past months have been incredibly busy. Never before have I felt such pressure. It has been a neverending stream of things to take care of, things to worry about, networking events, receptions, information sessions, papers to write, cases to read, relationships to maintain, food to cook, finals to study for, and hanging above it all, knowing that I alone have responsibility for my future. Maybe that's what growing up is, but I've always had short-term goals to focus on with no thought for what would come afterwards. Grades and activities in high school were just preparation for college applications, college was just preparation for getting a job (this one didn't work out so well), and even taking the LSAT was for getting out of the job I did manage to get. While there is still the short-term goal of grades in law school, everything ultimately points to a career and a future, with no defined end. Now I have to be responsible? Sounds like a lot of work.

I have found one extra thing to waste my time, and that is the newly created Stuff White People Like blog. Going to undergrad in UC Berkeley, a lot of it rings true, although I will probably never truly understand it. But I can't let it distract me from lamenting my life. On one hand I need the pressure to feel like I'm accomplishing something, but on the other hand the feeling of accomplishment is fleeting. Ignorance really is bliss, but you can't just unlearn what you already have learned. Pity, that.

posted by Eric @ 2:11 PM